To Know Her
by Renconteur
Summary: An Alex POV fluff one-shot. Enjoy!


**I own nothing... **

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I love watching her sleep. I know, I know it's creepy, but I can't help it. She's completely mine when she's asleep. When we're home together, I get to see what others don't. I know it's completely cliche, but I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to see her the way I'm privileged to see her: serene.

Sure, she carries a gun on her hip, another on the outside of her right ankle, and a badge. To others she is a butch cop strapped with leather and gunmetal. What they don't know is what's under all that perceived butchness: pure, unadulterated woman. A woman who fills out a sexy black lace bra and matching see-through panties. They also don't know that she wears red polish on her toes, a leftover perk from our spa nights.

No, they don't see her the way I'm allowed to see her.

She's the total antithesis of butch. She's soft, very feminine and the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

You know I actually sometimes feel that the whole 'don't judge a book by its cover' cliche was written about her. Although she'd never admit it openly, she hates the perception people have of her. They think she's this hard-ass cop, when she's actually scared out of her mind every time she and her partner leave for a call. She kisses me and holds me close before she leaves. Sometimes I feel like she's making sure that I know she loves me, just in case she doesn't come back. She's not scared of bullets, burly men, or blood. No, she's scared of what shape the child will be in when she arrives on scene, the gruesome attack that will no doubt plague her dreams for days... sometimes weeks.

Olivia never had a steady relationship before me. The revolving door of men coming and going kept her detached. The non-committal sex and dates, the easiness of never bringing them home. That way, they never knew where she lived. She never told them about her job, nor did she go on more than two dates. Ever.

None of those men knew she had a shoe fetish that would rival mine. None of those men knew her extensive collection of dresses and lacy lingerie, because, after wearing jeans, button-ups, and boots all day, she liked to feel like a woman at home.

None of those men knew she had an arsenal of bath supplies to take care of her skin because "dammit, I'm not getting any younger", she says. She may not be getting any younger, but her skin is tighter than mine and she's six years older than I am. She has a glow that draws me like a moth to the flame.

I miss her. After four years of being together, it still feels new.

We sort of fell into each other. Started out as all great relationships do - friendship. We didn't plan for this to happen, but it did and I couldn't be happier.

I smile as I continue to watch her sleep. She snuggles deeper into her pillow and lets out a small sigh. God, I love her.

We were together two months when we realized we couldn't keep it a secret. It was too real. We were in too deep and there was no coming out of it. I told her I loved her a month into the relationship - she cried.

I thought I did or said something wrong, so I asked her, she smiled and said no. She assured me by kissing my eyes and then my mouth. She said that she loved me too, and that she actually felt it for the first time when someone said they loved her. Besides when her mother was sober, she never felt it.

She had broken engagements and she had her heart broken by quite a few of her past suitors, they all said they loved her. She never returned the sentiment.

Then I cried. We'd been together a month and we still hadn't made love. We were waiting. I know our relationship isn't old fashion, but she is. Most would think she's the protector because she's the cop, you'd be incorrect.

She spends her days protecting the common wealth of New York City, but when she comes home, I'm the one that protects her. Don't think of her as weak, she's far from it. She's the strongest woman I know. She gives her entire self when she's working, and she gives her entire self to me when we're together. I'll never know what I did to deserve her.

We disclosed of our relationship to our respective subordinates, and we both knew I'd be the one shipped out. We had the hardest time dealing with that. I tried to reassure her that we'd still see eachother everyday, but she hated that we had to part professionally. For the integrity of our jobs and future victims, we couldn't jeopardize any case we worked on together.

We moved in together a week after I transferred.

I left Sex Crimes and am now working in Family Court. At least I still get to help out the kids.

Coming out wasn't easy for us, especially Olivia. People were shocked about me being with a woman because of my outward appearance, no one was shocked about Olivia; they just assumed all this time. She hated she was stereotyped.

She didn't want to hide, and neither did I. It took awhile for everyone to come around to the fact that Olivia was with a woman, much less with me. Elliot didn't speak to her for weeks, because the idea of her being with someone he never liked was a betrayal he said. Cragen had to separate them. Looking back I can see that it wasn't the fact that it was me or the nature of our relationship, but he was the number one person in her life for so long and she no longer needed him. It was an adjustment, but he came around. Munch... well he was Munch. Fin was the only one, besides Cragen, in our court.

Two and a half years later, there was a precinct shooting and Elliot killed the gunman. It was a teen girl who had a psychotic break while dealing with her mother's murder. Olivia was beside herself. She still hasn't seen or talked to him since that day.

She now has a new partner. Because she's a senior detective, she was bounced around at first, but it seems she and her new partner have gotten into a rhythm. She misses Elliot, but she said she couldn't have made it if she didn't have me.

Do you know how that feels? All I could do was make love to her. I don't know how I would get through life without her. I knew - know - she loves me, but hearing her say something like that makes my heart swell and break at the same time. Swell because she loves me, and break because she's hurting.

She now has six months left and she's officially retired. She's young and gets to retire. We're getting married a month after that and I'm leaving the DA's office. I have my inheritance I never touched that would last us four lifetimes. She has her mother's life insurance money that I refuse to let her touch. She's prideful, and I love that about her. She doesn't want to have to depend on anyone. I just want to take care of her, and I'm going to show her the world.

I look over at the clock and see I've been watching her for twenty minutes, and the alarm will sound in one minute. I reach over and turn it off. I kiss her on the mouth and rub her back.

"Wake up," I whisper.

She moans. As many times as she gets pulled out of bed in the middle of the night, you'd think she'd be a morning person. Nope.

I chuckle lightly. "Come on sweetheart, time to get up."

Then there they are: the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen.

"Good morning," she smiles.

"Good morning," I reply.

"Have you been watching me sleep again?" She asks. She knows me.

"What's it to you?" I shoot back.

She laughs and gives me my good morning kiss. "Creeper."

"I can't help it. You're so peaceful when you sleep."

She caresses my face with her right hand. I can feel the callouses from years of holding a gun and physical contact with scum. "I love you," I tell her.

"I love you too," she tells me. "You're my most precious jewel."

People don't know how loving she is. She reserves that for me. She tells me all the time that I'm her precious jewel, and every time I believe her.

She's my most precious gift. She was made and given to me. The Universe must have seen me deserving from some good dead I have no clue as to what that is, but I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the life I have. The love I have, and I get to share it with a woman that shares what the world doesn't get to see with me. If you know Olivia, you know that's a big deal.

Don't judge a book by its cover, you may be missing something more important.

Now, I have a fiance that needs to get out of bed and off to work, and if I don't get a cup of coffee in her... someone will need to save the City of New York from her. That's another side that only I'm privileged to see.

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**Thanks to Milk for the read-through and help with the title. Reviews are not a requirement, but I think they're nice. :)**


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